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‘Gutfeld!’ on calling food ‘exotic,’ Joe Rogan


This is a rush transcript from “Gutfeld!,” July 8, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BRIAN STELTER, CNN ANCHOR: Looking at the 2020, one of the reason why I’m taking you seriously as a contender is because of your presence on cable news. I don’t think you seem that creepy, but that’s just me.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: It’s because you’re both creepy you jackass. And he just got 30 months in jail. How’s that for reliable sources?

What’s up Thursday? We’ve got quite a panel here this evening. Look who’s joined us. Jesse Waters. He’s our favorite man on the street. But sometimes we wish we’d left him there. His hair is like an extension cord. Thick, dark and full of plugs. Yes, but he’s here tonight. It’s amazing what you’ll do when you’re trying to sell a book.

JESSE WATTERS, FOX NEWS HOST: True.

GUTFELD: He tried to sell me one in the bathroom. Today when you got mouths to feed and massages to get above a bodega on Ninth Avenue any port in a storm. But at least you wrote your book. Unlike Kilmeade. You know who wrote his, right?

WATTERS: Oh.

GUTFELD: But Jesse’s book is a wild success. Finally giving him one that he could point to in his life. Other than lettering and lacrosse at the (INAUDIBLE) then there’s Dana Perino. There she is. I can — I can never remember if she has a dog or not. But to her credit, she’s capping a long day of work from 9:00 a.m. to midnight tonight. God how lucky is her husband? No, Peter, take out the garbage. No, Peter, wipe your feet. No, Peter. That’s Jasper’s chair. Can you imagine what Peter’s doing tonight right now when she’s not home?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: He’s very proud of that evening. And God only knows what Jasper is doing when you’re not there, Dana.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: At least he wiped. Jasper has been on Fox so many times. Maybe you should host Fox News primetime. I mean, have you seen some of the scrubs they have on there? Also on the show tonight, David Asman. Yes. Charles Payne canceled.

DAVID ASMAN, FOX BUSINESS NETWORK ANCHOR: Oh.

GUTFELD: I kid I kid. Asman is a regular over at Fox Business. You know how they have “MORNINGS WITH MARIA”? Well, they were planning on evenings with Asman. But the title was just one S away from movie. I made it (INAUDIBLE) but look, Dan and Jesse, you’re here tonight because it’s the 10th anniversary of “THE FIVE.” To put it in language that Kat understands, that’s 10 years or the answer her husband gives when asked what it feels like to be married to Kat for three months. It’s a big deal.

Because like Brian Stelter without a training bra, surviving 10 years in cable isn’t normal. I just want you to think about that image. MTV didn’t even play music that long. “THE FIVE” is like one of those super old Japanese ladies. They find out that just turned 120 years old. And everybody wants to know her secret. And it turns out she can’t count. Think of all the things. “THE FIVE” —

ASMAN: I like that.

GUTFELD: Oh, thank you. I don’t know if that’s a good thing. But think of all the stuff that “THE FIVE” outlasted. Kangaroos, hummingbirds, green frogs, koala bears, hedgehogs, yes, “THE FIVE” beat all their average lifespans.

ASMAN: Wow.

GUTFELD: I guess you could say animals are great but “THE FIVE” is greater. But we also beat these show shows a whole bunch of them. Yes, in your face, Will and Grace. Seriously who expected a reboot of that to work? What’s next? You know, let’s reboot COVID? Debra Messing could play that Delta variant. Yes. We outlasted shows with bigger budgets, bigger staffs and better drugs. At Fox, we’re lucky if we can snort crushed up a leave in the greenroom bathroom.

I learned that trick from Stuart Varney. Oh, so why did “THE FIVE” succeed? It’s not rocket science, or in Jesse’s case, simple arithmetic. But in cases you need a refresher of how great “THE FIVE” is, here’s a montage.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DAGEN MCDOWELL, FOX BUSINESS NETWORK ANCHOR: I want to get Greg in here.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Greg is (INAUDIBLE)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: All right, Greg, take us home.

MCDOWELL: Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Greg.

WATTERS: Here I say Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Greg, I’m coming to you next.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Thank you, Greg.

GUTFELD: You’re welcome.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Let’s go Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So let’s bring in our constitutional scholar Greg Gutfeld.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Greg, I’m glad that we’re friends again.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Greg?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Greg.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Thank you, Greg.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: How many — how many women does that guy gets? OK. Identify as women. But there is a very unique role that “THE FIVE” plays today. It’s a live show in which people speak their minds which is as dangerous these days as walking a tightrope between two skyscrapers in heels basted in butter. We aren’t have been at the forefront of canceled culture. We saw it coming because it came to us early on.

In this day and age there’s a cottage industry based on the dopamine hit one gets from attacking strangers. It’s a pot shot theater on Twitter where people wait to pounce on us for saying something honest, because honesty is what gets you in trouble. You ever noticed that CNN, MSNBC ABC, CBS, NBC anchors they never get into trouble? I mean, with their pants on? And even while the late night shows kept quiet about it, we didn’t, we took it on.

And we keep at it every day, we show up and none of us bite our tongues except maybe Dana. You should hear her profanity laced rant about immigrants in the greenroom. I had no idea there were so many curse words that rhyme with Guatemalans. But the reason for “THE FIVE’s” success and Fox’s success and this show’s success is risk. We are taking the risk every day to tell you the truth. And when the truth is especially under fire.

We’re the first responders to (BLEEP) and it’s a tribute to the audience who support us. But it’s so predictable how the media reacts to new Fox shows. It happened with “THE FIVE” 10 years ago and it happens with this show today. The recipe is always the same. A press release announces the show, haters to tune into trash it. They writes about the stuff they don’t like, which ironically is the same things the fans love about it.

And then the haters go away and the fans stay and the show becomes a hit and it runs for thousands of episodes. Repeat. So tonight our first block is dedicated to “THE FIVE” and everyone who contributed to its success, including you, the viewers who keep me employed and in silk stockings.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Let’s welcome tonight’s guests. She reaches for the stars but she’ll be lucky to reach the shelf. America’s newsroom co-anchor and “THE FIVE” co-host Dana Perino. He never joined a frat, he is the frat. “THE FIVE” co-host and “WATERS WORLD” host Jesse Watters. He spent a decade as a journalist but we won’t hold that against him. Fox Business Anchor, David Asman. And for her wedding she registered at Bed Bath and a Bong. Fox News Contributor, Kat Timpf.

Dana, we are all wearing our special five jerseys, right?

PERINO: Suit up.

GUTFELD: Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

ASMAN: She looks good in hers.

GUTFELD: Oh, David. You know what? That’s sexist.

(CROSSTALK)

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Oh. How come I didn’t get one? That — those two times that I filled in and the Christmas week of 2015.

PERINO: Pretty pivot life. You’re right. You’re right.

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: — I have something to do with the success two times. 2015 —

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: The ratings were really strong in those two shows.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: But I think, Dana, it’s got to be tough for you to come into work every day and still be starstruck when you’re around me. How do you maintain the composure when you come to work? It’s like you’re never get used to —

ASMAN: It’s very difficult. It’s where — I actually pinch myself so that the pain takes away the fear. That’s the way to do it. My wife wonders where I’ve been all day when she sees my black and blue marks.

PERINO: I say for me, it’s been — it’s been amazing to be a part of the show as Jesse begins his career and yours is coming to an end.

WATTERS: Oh, Nice, Dana.

GUTFELD: That stung. I’m not going to lie. Jesse, if it weren’t for “THE FIVE” you’d probably be living in a youth hostel?

WATTERS: I thought he did. Yes.

GUTFELD: Turning tricks for your next fix.

WATTERS: Oh, geez. I’m glad you asked me about my book, Greg. Because in the book, I wrote about some of the things you say in the commercial break. And I’d like to share these things with the audience. All right. Get the bleeper ready. I (BLEEP) hate the ocean. Real quick. Charity sucks. It’s the best thing you’ll ever do and they get all the money.

GUTFELD: I didn’t say that.

WATTERS: If you’re going to kill your spouse, take them hiking.

ASMAN: Wow.

WATTERS: I know.

GUTFELD: It’s true.

TIMPF: True. It is true.

GUTFELD: It’s the best way.

ASMAN: Oh my goodness.

WATTERS: And then the cheapest form of phone sex is to call Victoria’s Secret and ask them to go through the catalog with you. Wow. I’m going to read the last one. When you buy drugs on a Friday, you can’t do them all that night. You have to save some for Sunday brunch. So if you want to hear more about what Greg says in the commercial break buy How I Save the World, and get it on Amazon because Reese Witherspoon is beating me right now. And nothing against Reese but I heard the last book she recommended made everyone sick.

ASMAN: But she wrote her book.

PERINO: Oh.

GUTFELD: Oh. I don’t know.

PERINO: That’s — those are fighting words.

GUTFELD: Yes. So Kat, you do have some experience with “THE FIVE”.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Care to add anything to the self-congratulations party?

TIMPF: Yes. I was going to say I’m also — it’s a little bit like high school when everyone’s talking about how much fun they had the parties that I wasn’t invited to. But, you know, I — I’m a viewer, I enjoy the show. I’m very, you know, happy for all of you. And I’m excited that also this show that was supposed to not go on very long. And everyone was saying was canceled after like three episodes is doing very well.

PERINO: Yes.

GUTFELD: Let’s be honest. If it —

ASMAN: Yes.

GUTFELD: If it wasn’t for “THE FIVE” you probably never would have met your husband, right?

TIMPF: I don’t know how that makes sense. We met on an app.

WATTERS: Just make everything up?

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: Greg, how did you get your staff to make that montage of all the things about you? I mean, that sounds —

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: He wants one.

ASMAN: Yes.

GUTFELD: I said — I said at that (INAUDIBLE) you know what would really upset Dana, is if we did a montage and it was just me. And in the middle of the montage you said, I’ve had —

PERINO: I was — I was just like, how long is this thing going to go on?

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: But I mean, you were the one that started a podcast called “THE ONE.”

GUTFELD: Yes, that’s right. That’s right.

WATTERS: I thought it gave me some great ideas for my weekend show. We’re going to do that on Saturday night. Except on me.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. Well, I think we’re going to have another 10 years. What do you say to that?

ASMAN: Yes.

PERINO: Cheers.

GUTFELD: Yes. All right. We got lots more to go on this show. Up next, a teacher has been maligned for speaking his mind.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: He teaches phys ed but they won’t forgive what he said. The Loudoun County Virginia School Board is taking its case against an elementary school gym teacher to the state Supreme Court, which is like the regular court but with more toppings. Might have heard about Tanner Cross. He was put on leave back in May for speaking out against the district policy that required teachers to address transgender students with their preferred pronouns.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TANNER CROSS, LEESBURG ELEMENTARY SCHOOL GYM TEACHER: I love all of my students, but I would never lie to them regardless of the consequences. I’m a teacher, but I served God first. And I will not affirm that a biological boy can be a girl and vice versa because it’s against my religion. It’s lying to a child. It’s abuse to a child, and it’s sinning against our God.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So after that he got suspended, but he went the legal route, and the court ruled that he had the right to give his opinion at a public meeting and the school had no right to try to fire him. He was reinstated. But now the district in between denouncing their privilege is firing back like a meth head flinging dodge balls and appealing the decision to the state’s highest court. Here’s Cross speaking about it earlier to this hideous creature known as Kilmeade.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BRIAN KILMEADE, FOX NEWS POLITICAL COMMENTATOR: Tan, are you worried? You worry this whole thing is going to get reversed again?

CROSS: I’m not worried. I still have faith into the school board and that, you know, the First Amendment is on our sides and on the teacher side. You know, we still — we care about our students and we just hope that, you know, everybody’s viewpoint is looked into so that we all can be an inclusive environment and just educate children the correct way.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Hmm. He’s not bad looking. Cross not Kilmeade, obviously.

PERINO: Obviously.

GUTFELD: OK, Dana. Jordan Peterson saw this coming when he refused to say pronouns that he was told to say, no one can add — I mean, people can try to keep you from saying certain things, but they can’t compel you to use specific words. That’s like a whole new world. He predicted this.

PERINO: Well, it’s like — it’s like when they say when — remember that Brandeis — was it Brandeis University that listed all those words that they said were oppressive?

GUTFELD: Right.

PERINO: But this is like the reverse. This is basically oppressing him for his beliefs. And when you look at the balance of harm in all of this, you have to take into account that he didn’t say this at the school.

GUTFELD: Rght.

PERINO: He said this at two adults at a school board meeting. And it’s certainly going too far. But I do think that, you know, it’s only a matter of time before we’re all caught up in this.

GUTFELD: Yes. Absolutely.

PERINO: Like Jesse starts making us call him Bay. It will be — it’ll be hard for us, Greg, because we’re older.

GUTFELD: I’m sticking to calling Jesse it.

WATTERS: I don’t think it would surprise you, Greg. But gym was my favorite subject in school. And I have a great affinity for gym teacher.

GUTFELD: I bet you do.

WATTERS: I like the fact that they can just wear shorts and a T-shirt to work and get summers off. My gym teacher at school is named Mr. Quackenbush.

GUTFELD: Ah.

WATTERS: And he used to misgendered me all the time. He used to say, run faster, you little girl. So I’m used to that. And I’ve been misgendered a lot. And I remember for the fact that I was sent out one time to ambush a bad guy. And my face wasn’t on camera. And so you just heard my voice. And then at the end of the day, we get e-mails and it was my job to go through the e-mails. And all the viewers were said, Bill, you producer did such a great job in Alabama. You should give her a raise.

TIMPF: What happens to MeToo but like the other way.

WATTERS: But the other because you have a very — you have a very deep voice.

TIMPF: Masculine voice.

WATTERS: Very, very deep voice.

GUTFELD: Yes. You have a husky voice.

TIMPF: Husky, yes.

WATTERS: Husky.

GUTFELD: But like this era is Brenda Vaccaro.

TIMPF: Oh, I don’t know because on this ear.

GUTFELD: Thank you. The floor director laughed at that joke. Somebody laughed at a Brenda Vaccaro joke. Finally. Asman.

ASMAN: Yes.

GUTFELD: Can I call you Dave?

ASMAN: Yes.

GUTFELD: OK. This was a hearing as Dana brought up, and it’s where you hear things, right? That’s the purpose. You hear people’s opinions. Is — was it wrong for him to go at that length there? Did he take a risk that he should pay for?

ASMAN: No, no. I mean, the — it’s an opinion. You know, the one thing I really love getting back to “THE FIVE” about “THE FIVE” is you give your opinions without worrying about, you know, whether it’s politically correct or not. The bottom line is, you could make it from a religious standpoint as he did. A lot of people are just doing a biologic leaving religion.

(CROSSTALK)

ASMAN: It’s — you are defined biologically by your chromosomes, that’s what defines gender. And by that definition, it doesn’t matter how you identify yourself. You’re either a man or a woman. I know that’s — it’s crazy. But nowadays, saying something like that can get you in trouble. Even what bugged me, my wife is from Latin America, what bugged me is when Biden said Latin X, did you hear that? Instead of Latina or Latino?

(CROSSTALK)

ASMAN: I hope that’s not — where I think there’s enough pushback now against the critical race theory and all this stuff. So that he — this guy is on the cutting edge, rather than the politically correct people.

WATTERS: So the governor in Virginia can wear blackface.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: And he doesn’t get in trouble.

ASMAN: Exactly. Exactly.

WATTERS: But if the governor of Virginia calls the guy a girl or misgenders that can get him in trouble.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

WATTERS: Your political persuasion is more important than your sexual identity. That’s the bottom line nowadays. And that’s B.S.

GUTFELD: So Kat, I agree. I think that the biological argument is sound and they’re on — there are incredibly brave intellectuals who are willing to go and talk about this. It was probably when he kind of mushed it together and made it more to that.

TIMPF: Maybe because I’m also as, you know, obviously not religious.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And, you know, I’ve been — I’m somebody who I’m like, whatever. I will call you whatever you want.

GUTFELD: Yes, me too.

TIMPF: I really — I will and people make something like, well, what if somebody wants to be –what they say they identify as like a velociraptor like haha, like, first of all, that’s not the same. Second of all, like I probably would call you a velociraptor. It doesn’t really affect me any. But I think things like this kind of show, again, like so many of these controversies that are in schools and involved with schools could be solved with more school choice.

It’s becoming more and more apparent that there’s not one size fits all government mandated solution for every single child.

GUTFELD: Ye. And I mean, along with defunding the police, if the Democrats start like calling these understandably outraged parents over critical race theory or what it’s ever had, if they start calling them white supremacists or demonizing parents, they are going to lose big. They’ve got to read —

PERINO: Yes.

GUTFELD: They’ve got to read the room. I think that’s a phrase I just coined.

PERINO: It’s a good one.

GUTFELD: Yes. You like that?

PERINO: It’s a good one. Yes.

GUTFELD: You like that? Thank you. I might just start using that regularly.

WATTERS: OK. You do that, Greg.

GUTFELD: I’m reading the room right now and it said go to break.

WATTERS: It does.

GUTFELD: Up next. Calling food exotic makes the language police neurotic.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Everything is racist.

GUTFELD: True. Is it rude to enjoy beauty and food? And with the language police make compliments cease? A food writer for The Washington Post newspaper so bad they even use the digital edition to wrap fish. Says we shouldn’t use the word exotic with describing non-Western foods. And you’ll never guess why. Yes, you guessed it, it’s racist. According to the Jeff Bezos vanity press, “The first problem with the word it has lost its essential meeting.

The second more crucial problem. It’s used particularly as applied to food indirectly lengthens the metaphysical distance between one group of humans and another and in, so, doing reinforces xenophobia and racism.

Yes, you know what writer, maybe stick to writing about food because no human could process that cold stew you just barked all over us. Speaking of an exotic dish, Boris Becker is catching heat for referring to a player’s fiance as “very pretty.”

The tennis legend made the offhand comment, not a backhand comment, little tennis humor, while covering, covering Wimbledon, which is like the Little League World Series for tennis. Spokeswoman, a spokes human for women in sport, who is probably ugly, something disgusting, sexist might say, condemned the remarks saying when men are comfortable talking about women in this way, never mind on live TV, it shows there is still more to do. I don’t know Jesse, wouldn’t you be flattered if Boris Becker said you were pretty?

JESSE WATTERS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: He’s a handsome man, Gutfeld.

GUTFELD: He really is.

WATTERS: So, I’m confused. Because I thought women liked compliments. That’s always what I’ve been told. And now, you can’t call them pretty. So what are we supposed to call them?

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: How are we supposed to compliment them?

GUTFELD: I have no idea.

WATTERS: If I don’t know what her personality is, and I’m looking at her. Can’t you say she’s pretty?

GUTFELD: I would come up with —

WATTERS: Didn’t you say she’s pretty, Greg?

GUTFELD: I know I would try to make every compliment confusing. Like, hey, Kat, your elbows really bring out the color of your shoes. See how that works?

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: That was not a compliment.

GUTFELD Yes, it was. Yes, and her elbows.

DANA PERINO, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Which are nude, so that’s probably wrong.

TIMPF: My elbows. Yes, so —

GUTFELD: The colors —

TIMPF: Naked elbows.

GUTFELD: Nude is not a color, Dana.

PERINO: You want to bet? That’s what it says on the box.

GUTFELD: Oh, really?

TIMPF: They’re horrified.

GUTFELD: The nude box. What do they think of next?

TIMPF: She’s racist because it’s a white skin color. That’s that that article has been —

GUTFELD: Bandaids are racist.

TIMPF: Yes, but the exotic thing that — here’s what she loses me when she says this reinforces racism. I’m not sure how it does that. And I’m also not sure she is sure because she didn’t tell me how. I read the whole thing, she just it she says it is and therefore it is and if you push back on it, then you’re a racist because racist is one of those words where if you say it, then it must be true.

And if anyone questioned it, you’re a racist. It’s really not much more sophisticated than kids on the playground saying you know, and I’m rubber you’re glue. Unfortunately though, it’s so widely accepted. And the consequences of going against it can actually cost you your job.

DAVID ASMAN, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: And I looked at up in the dictionary, by the way, and it’s very simple. The dictionary says this is Webster’s originating in or characteristic of distant foreign land. OK, so —

GUTFELD: Mr. Journalist. It’s on a dictionary.

ASMAN: If you’re in Asia hot dog would be exotic. So, well, unless they’re real hot dog. That’s the problem.

GUTFELD: Well, hot dog often means something else where I go. I don’t know what that means either. Sometimes I just say things that come out of my mouth and then I forget about it.

PERINO: And then he puts it in his book.

GUTFELD: It’s true. Everybody loves things that are prefaced with exotic, like exotic drinks.

PERINO: This is a thing. It’s about, it’s about marketing. Right? If you put exotic in front of something, I am more likely to buy it. Because I’m like, oh, that would be interesting.

GUTFELD: Exotic dancers.

PERINO: What they want people to do is basically they are pressing people who have a small business selling their exotic food and their exotic drinks so now they’re oppressing those people. And what they seem to want is for all of us to just only eat the food that we grew up with. Right? And so, I don’t know like in my house with my mom make great fried chicken. That’s good. OK. I could have like fried chicken, but I couldn’t have burritos? That would be outrageous, because I really love burritos.

ASMAN: So, they’re the racist, the people who are against the word exotic.

PERINO: Yes. And the oppressors.

ASMAN: Once again.

PERINO: That’s the thing. This is the whole, my new thing. Anytime they’re trying to do this, I just turned it around and like how they’re oppressing other people.

ASMAN: It’s projection, projection.

WATTERS: That’s like what they did with defund the police. No, no, Republicans defund the police. We should use that on them. You’re the racist.

GUTFELD: That’s what you — that’s anti, anti-race, the-anti racism ideology is racist because they’re saying that, that you were you were defined solely by your pigment. And there are certain qualities of Caucasians that are endemic to Caucasians and our flaw.

WATTERS: So, you could say that a white woman, Boris Becker was pointing out, but you couldn’t say it’s a pretty white woman.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.

TIMPF: Oh, yes, he should just say that she’s white.

WATTERS: She’s white.

PERINO: Can you imagine Boris Becker waking up to like finding like he’s trending on Twitter, like what, what did I say? What did I possibly do? But like look it up, he’s been through worse.

GUTFELD: Yes. I just say, go back to sleep Boris. He’s so pretty when he sleeps. You know, I think there should be a special day where we all are allowed to compliment everybody, no matter what. Would that be a special — but just like just screw with these people and just make a national flattery day and national flattery day.

PERINO: That’s very kind of you.

ASMAN: Oh, everybody, and exotic, and news all of the bad words.

WATTERS: It’s Mother’s Day.

ASMAN: I like that.

GUTFELD: Yes, Mother’s Day. Valentine’s Day. Anyway. Coming up, sensor, Joe Reagan, Rogan, they’d scream because he’s not on their woke team.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ANNOUNCER: “CANCELING TORNADO.”

GUTFELD: Spotify employees whine that Joe Rogan’s views don’t align and they want to cut his mic to just to suppress ideas they don’t like. A lot of rhyming today. Last year, the wildly successful host inked a $100 million deal with Spotify. But according to Business Insider, an employee complained on their internal networking channel, “I’m personally bothered by his transphobic comments and I’m concerned with the way he might spread misinformation.” And of course these days, all you need is one whiny D-bag to make something problematic. And another employee said the decision to sign Rogan was the most contentious one the company ever made. But another staffer said Rogan’s only offending a small, loud minority. I think that’s how Dana refers to our help. Meanwhile, earlier this week, Conan O’Brien and Sean Penn tackled cancel culture on Conan’s podcast.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CONAN O’BRIEN, COMEDIAN: Empathy is a very important word and also forgiveness. This, the whole concept of cancel culture is, we found that someone did something in 1979 that is now not appropriate. They’re dead to us. And I think —

SEAN PENN, ACTOR: It’s ludicrous.

O’BRIEN: Yes, what happened to let’s talk about that now, but people can also be forgiven if they even need forgiving. It feels very Soviet kind of, sometimes.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Feels very Soviet, sometimes, you think? It’s about time fellas. It’s funny. Conan had a talk show for years and never thought to bring this up. Sean Penn has been around forever too. When you have to Hollywood liberals though saying things have gone too far, there’s hope maybe that we can turn the tide. Then again, I thought Sean Penn and Madonna would work things out. If that reference got any older, I’d have to smother it with a pillow. Anyway. Yes.

PERINO: That was good. Did Sean Penn record that from Venezuela?

GUTFELD: Good point.

PERINO: I mean, because you, that, that’s where you could find out about some of these things.

GUTFELD: Yes, that’s true. And he was a big defender of Hugo Chavez. The late Hugo Chavez. I’m explaining your point to people at home.

PERINO: Well, I figured they’re smart enough to have got it on their own. I don’t think you have to help them that much.

WATTERS: Greg knows his audience.

TIMPF: It’s also called mansplaining.

PERINO: Can I say something on the Spotify thing?

GUTFELD: What if I don’t see myself as a man? Yes.

PERINO: This story about 10 staffers.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: Anonymous staffers being upset about Joe Rogan happens about every three weeks. I’m starting to believe that it is a P.R. ploy. Because every time they do, the executives of Spotify tell those guys that are complaining to go pound sand. So, Spotify executives totally get it, and they’re like actually defending them. So, part of me feels like, maybe it’s just like one of the ways that they are trying to get some good press.

GUTFELD: I should work on that here for this show.

ASMAN: There’s also the chance though, that it’s just a couple of people and they are amplified by Business Insider.

GUTFELD: Right.

ASMAN: By media, by all these people that are, that are from a politically correct culture that control the mainstream media. And they get it — they find, I mean, it happens at Fox as well. You know, you find a couple of disgruntled or people who just want to make a name for themselves in that particular media and then they go work for ABC and then they get fired.

GUTFELD: Let’s talk about that, Jesse and Kat. Let’s talk about some of the people at Fox that may not like us, would we be —

WATTERS: How long do we have?

GUTFELD: No, do you ever, do you ever walk down the halls and so you can tell somebody doesn’t like you?

WATTERS: Yes, I do. I feel that because I really sense when people don’t like me. It’s one of my best characteristics. I have a very good antenna for hate. And I feel it in the bathroom. I feel it in the elevators. And I feel it when I walk through the building and the security guys don’t say hi back. And I give them my book and they don’t even care. I say, here guys, you want to freak I didn’t even take it. Yes, they won’t even take it. And just speaking of you, I wanted to just change something, just want to put this right here. That looks better like that, right there. That’s good. Just for the rest of the show.

GUTFELD: Let’s see if they get a picture that. They didn’t. Oh, well. That was a good idea.

WATTERS: Hello, guys. So, there you go.

GUTFELD: So, Kat, what, what drives me crazy about this is that, Dana’s got a good point on this that this keeps happening. They aren’t pissed off about misinformation. They’re pissed off about information.

TIMPF: Right?

GUTFELD: The fact is, if you go and watch Rogan, you actually, it’s really interesting. He has scientists on, they talk for three hours. It’s pretty, pretty great stuff. They just don’t want the other side that they disagree with to be allowed any kind of oxygen. So, that I mean they’re not even talking, they’re mad because there’s information.

WATTERS: They’re information focused.

TIMPF: And I also think how much are you a failure if that is the kind of thing you have to resort to? Like who are the real irredeemable losers and jerks, people who said something offensive 10 years ago when they you know, were teenagers, but now they have you know, had time to fully develop their brain and contribute to society them or someone who apparently has so little to contribute to society that they have the time to go find the tweets from 10 years ago. They’re losers.

GUTFELD: Do you think employees of this show should be able to control what I say, Kat?

TIMPF: No.

GUTFELD: That’s good. Because you would have been gone in an instant.

PERINO: Who would try?

GUTFELD: I don’t know. All I know is, I think these people that work at Spotify, if they don’t like it, they should go work at Napster.

TIMPF: Right and he’s making, he’s making more money for the company they work at. Shut up.

GUTFELD: Yes, there’s — I was going to say a nasty word but I decided to hold back.

ASMAN: But does anybody believe Sean Peen, that, that Sean Penn at this moment of reality clarity?

GUTFELD: You know what, his is probably more linked to Me Too and he’s seeing his buddies getting, getting —

ASMAN: Bingo.

GUTFELD: Up next, peacock’s life was snuffed out because of its shout.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Did they kill a cock with a glock? Yes, a peacock was too loud for them to go to bed. So, they found someone on Craigslist to shoot it dead. He was the neighborhood bird, now his body’s interred.

ASMAN: Nice.

GUTFELD: According to a local report, my favorite kind, the peacock that had been visiting a Humboldt County California neighborhood for years was found shot dead after someone posted a Craigslist ad taking a hit out on the bird. So, it wasn’t self-inflicted, Dana. Many residents say, they’re heartbroken that the peacock nicknamed Mr. P. and Azul love visiting their homes, and visitors love taking pictures with them. There were no eyewitnesses on his feathers or otherwise. But the person who requested the peacock assassin complained the birds loud calls were waking them up and keeping them up very early every morning.

And so, the bird had to go. Cops say a suspect has been identified, possibly disgruntled NBC employee. No, they haven’t made any arrests. They’re investigating for animal cruelty and conspiracy to commit a crime. But it’s like my uncle used to say, don’t do the crime. If you can’t do the rigorous cleanup process that will destroy any trace of evidence. Kat, this is a terrible, terrible story. But it’s also amazing that you can get a peacock assassin off Craigslist. I mean, that’s customer service. I condemn it. It’s crazy.

TIMPF: Yes, right, I hear what you’re saying. Because this is so heartbreaking. And it made me really sad, I don’t know if it’s just because you know, like, I’m loud and annoying, and I don’t want to get shot part of it. But this man who did, the guy or woman, whoever did this, I believe is a horrible person. But I will say, they do have a great grasp of their rights because they know this is that all this person says his has a crime been committed? If so, I’ll get a lawyer. But as a crime committed, it’s like, where’s that on the first 48? You watch that? And I get that they’re murderers, but the cops like, did you kill them? They’re like, no. Did you kill him? And they’re like, yes, and that’s it. So, you know, bad guy good grasp of his rights.

GUTFELD: All right. Dana, it seems to me that the ad placer could have been less specific, right? It doesn’t have to be good. It doesn’t have to be a peacock? Could you say I need a killer for a large feathered, a somewhat arrogant bird?

PERINO: Well, but then you can and but like, what if it was somebody dressed up as Big Bird at a kid’s birthday party and then it could be a big problem. So, the peacock cry is like the sound of my youth.

GUTFELD: Really?

PERINO: Because at the ranch that they were all over the place. And I love that even though they were really loud. Yes, loud peacocks. Yes. And guess who killed all of them?

GUTFELD: Who?

PERINO: The coyotes. So, that’s what you need to do. Just let loose a coyote in this neighborhood and it would work. But I also, I blame Joe Biden. The violence in America is out of control, out of control all across the country.

GUTFELD: But you know, Don Lemon went out to a restaurant the other day, he didn’t see any peacocks getting shot.

PERINO: Must not be happening there.

WATTERS: Yes, he did. I’m not going to say it, I’m not going to say it.

GUTFELD: Good, Jesse. You’re learning. You’re learning.

TIMPF: Your kind of day.

GUTFELD: How does this story speak to you? Are you doing, are you going to be covering this on “WATTERS WORLD.”

WATTERS: No, I’m just going to do a montage of myself, plus the book.

PERINO: For like 30 minutes.

WATTERS: Thank you for that idea. I just would have thought you didn’t need to shoot he just could have poisoned the peacock. Well, isn’t that just a more humane way?

TIMPF: Take it hiking.

GUTFELD: Take it hiking.

WATTERS: Yes, take it hiking.

GUTFELD: Do they fly? Peacocks?

WATTERS: Only when you punt it. I don’t know, can they?

GUTFELD: They’re like really, really colorful turkeys, right?

ASMAN: But they are loud, they are very loud.

GUTFELD: So, you’re taking the defensive pillar.

ASMAN: Remember the Seinfeld episode where we’re Elaine had a barking dog was keeping up all night and she hired somebody to kill the dog. Oh, it’s been done before.

PERINO: But that was fiction.

ASMAN: Well, sometimes the life follows fiction.

PERINO: That’s true. Nobody got the idea from somewhere.

ASMAN: Yes.

GUTFELD: Here’s the deal. I — are there, Kat, are there specialty hitmen? You know, like, there’s like a yes —

WATTERS: Why do keep asking Kat that way? Because she’s a sick puppy. We all know.

TIMPF: Well, that is — I would never deny that.

GUTFELD: Like, I only do hedgehogs. Talk to Madge, she handles the peacocks. Like there’s a whole area of animal assassins we don’t know about.

TIMPF: Yes, I do. I’m very interested in the person that looked at this ad and was like I’m the perfect fit, I’m the perfect fit for this.

WATTERS: How much money did they get?

GUTFELD: I have no idea.

WATTERS: They didn’t put a price?

TIMPF: No, he said he’ll discuss compensation. So, yes —

ASMAN: And where was this?

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: The pot capital of the world.

PERINO: So, you got to get your sleep.

GUTFELD: Yes, you got to get your sleep. And this could have been drug beef, right.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: That’s probably what it was.

All right. I think we’ve nailed this Columbo episode. Up next, peacock for murder. That was terrible. Don’t go anywhere. We’ll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Before we move on, let’s do this.

ANNOUNCER: “ANIMALS ARE JERKS. ANIMALS ARE JERKS. ANIMALS ARE JERKS.”

GUTFELD: See, without “THE FIVE,” there wouldn’t have been that. The whole or it’s like a big circle of life. Take a look at this little hell, Kat. That’s a jerk. All he does is he goes around the neighborhood and just runs up to trashcan. Boom! And then he leaves, and he is like, is there no shame?

TIMPF: I like him.

WATTERS: Someone put a hit out on him right now.

GUTFELD: That’s a terrible thing to say.

WATTERS: Sorry, Dana.

GUTFELD: Yes. That’s the kind of dog I would like though, a dog that just knock stuff over. And that is why.

ANNOUNCER: “ANIMALS ARE JERKS. ANIMALS ARE JERKS. ANIMALS ARE JERKS.”

GUTFELD: All right. That was a great show and a wonderful, wonderful panel, and wonderful a wonderful celebration of “THE FIVE.” Thank you Dana Perino, Jesse Watters, David Azmin, Kat Timpf, our wonderful studio audience. “FOX NEWS @ NIGHT” with evil Shannon Bream is next. I’m Greg Gutfeld. I love you, America.

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